Of One Mind
We live in a polarized society. Those on one side of an issue are rarely willing to listen to those on the other side. In many settings we don’t feel safe to speak what is on our minds because we fear how it will be received (although, there are people who thrive on that level of debate). These are the people who jump into contentious conversations with reckless abandon willing to argue their point until the other person is bludgeoned to submission. That’s much of what we see modeled for us in the news and on social media. These platforms rarely showcase true dialogue, where people are listening to one another respectfully. Instead, the more piercing the remarks and the more inflammatory the accusations, the more airtime the interaction gets in the public eye.
What presence does Christ call us to have in a community full of such deep divides? When I’m frustrated by these arguments I’m reminded of a few verses from Philippians.
“Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to your own interests but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:3-5).
Our God has given us one mind in Christ Jesus. It is already yours, the Bible says. Then why don’t we in church all agree? Have you noticed that just about every difference of opinion on all major issues in the news today shows up in the conversations we have with people among whom we worship? If God has given us one mind in Christ Jesus, shouldn’t we all agree, or find a church were we do have more affinity with the thoughts and view of others around us?
Perhaps that would be true if we knew for certain that we had God’s thoughts on every issue. However, God reminds us very clearly that we don’t: “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways, declares the LORD” (Isaiah 55:8). So what then does Philippians mean when it says we “have the mind of Christ”? The Philippians passage goes on to speak of the humility of Jesus, how he counted us of greater worth than himself and made himself nothing even to the point of death. When it comes to dialogue that means, “in humility” we too “count others more significant than” ourselves (Philippians 4:3). It means we too, “Look to the interests of others” (Philippians 4:4). The mind of Jesus that we've been given is not a mind that is always right; it is a mind that is willing to listen to and receive what others have to say considering what they have to say as even more significant than what we have to say.
Just think for a moment how radical that concept is in the world we are a part of today. If you want to be a witness to Jesus’ love among your friends, coworkers, family and acquaintances, start with this: In humility consider them and what they have to say as more significant than yourself or what you have to say. It won’t take long before they notice you are operating with a different mindset. If they feel safe enough to ask about it, you might just get to share with them “the mind of Christ.”
Before setting you loose on the world with the mind of Christ, there are a few practical tips I learned last year from a book called Crucial Conversations, by Patterson, Grenny, McMilllan, and Swizler published in 2012, which may prove helpful for you too. It’s not a Christian book, it is not the Bible, but it does give some good advice on how to dialogue with others.
1. Gifted communicators keep an eye on safety, because when it is safe people are willing to say anything. Watch for signs in the conversation that it is becoming unsafe. Many of these signs are physical: a person’s stomach becomes tight or mouth becomes dry. Some notice the emotional signs first: a person is beginning to feel angry, tense, or frustrated.
2. When people feel unsafe the conversation often starts down one of two unhealthy paths, silence or violence. Either the person will stop talking and withhold their thoughts, or the person might become forceful and argumentative. Maybe the person responding this way is me.
3. Begin to restore safety to the conversation by exploring mutual purpose. I can find a thought or point the other person has made that I can agree with and invite them to say more about it.
4. Restore safety through respect. I can find an attribute about the other person that I admire and tell the other person about it. When people feel respected they feel safe.
5. Restore safety by contrast. If I believe they have taken something I have said in the wrong way, I can gently contrast what I did mean with what I didn’t mean.
6. Most importantly, restore safety by approaching the conversation with humility. Recognize that I too can learn from what the other person has to say and that what arises from this mutual discussion will shape and form my thinking too.
Imagine if we can learn to approach conversations in this way what a difference it will make in the lives of those with whom we interact. There’s no better place to practice than in the church, after all, we share the mind of Christ.
In Jesus,
Pastor Mike